![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.6){kind=small}
double life-liver
adventures of a girl who has to hide
so i don't know if this is heinous or fantastic. but i still want to try it.
**warning: this is very "king of the hill"
this chick is super professional!
sometimes i feel like doing shit like this. classy.
this guy has moves.
"i'm really hungover. i'm going to puke on all you guys today," brandi says as she wakes up. this got me taking notes.
i worked out a new equation while watching: lacey - makeup = puffy + old + cat lady
hungover brandi reads their mission aloud like a retarded child.
hungover brandi doesn't trust " the foreigner" (magdalena the man from poland)
heather is not tan enough.
mud bowl, a muddy football tourney awaits! bret is waiting with very tiny and wispy braids. like 5...2 mm in width. wisps. grody. it looks like they're sewn into his stupid baseball hat.
brandi's strategy: puke on a girl and she wins...smile. ewww!
bret introduces rodney scot who he explains is "here to whomp your ass." ass whomping is so last month.
oh! bret's braids are actually twisted into a larger fake ponytail!
why does he always go "what is-a goin' ahwn?" shut the fuck up, bret michaels.
lacey says, "you know what. i want that date. if i have to break some bones or knock out some teeth i'm going to do it." right after this, jess says she is going to "lay her ass out," and she does. lacey is crying owwwwww owwww owww" while writhing. she's like, "my ankle!" but she sounds like some cat lady.
heather is going to narc on everyone. must fast forward.
i like jess much better now. "lacey got seriously injured..." reports bret. bitch is such a shitty actress!
bret's turned on by jess' "savage beast" coming out. "she can run, she can catch, she can sprint" "jess' touchdown was one of the sexiest moments in football history" bret is clearly gay. for football players.
"heather hits like a bull. i mean knock down dirty football. it's kind of a turn-on." (see above)
he's really uninhibited. he doesn't care who knows how flaming gay he is.
one girl ripped off heather the bull's pants when she was running the ball. "heather can't keep her clothes on in anything we do..." for as old and haggard a face as she has, her body is still infinitely better than mine. she looks a little bit like joey buttafuoco in the face. hot!
mvp = jess. she gets a special date. hope it's as great as that really special, romantic date he had with the two ladies last week where they laid by the pool and watched a really long movie documenting bret's life and career while he did the play by play. that sounds like SO much fun! and really romantic!
oh...i just started really not liking jess, who just addressed herself as jess, which i hate with a passion.
at least her hair isn't spiky for once, but someone needs some root touch-ups.
hooters bitch erin is calling her boss and hearing that justin timberlake is supposed to be there (at her home hooters) tomorrow night. she was supposed to be serving him. "WHAT?" lacey is plotting against her with heather, the old, naked woman. lacey, the old cat lady, is like, "she'd rather be with justin timberlake! erin is our new target!" and heather is calling her a "star fucker," which technically, heather is not...but technically, heather would be if bret stuck his dick in her...which technically still isn't even star fucking anymore because bret is washed-a the fucked OUT!
jess is saying she's still on the fence about him and she doesn't know whether to let down the wall. enter bret: "hi, jess. how are you doing tonight? i've been waiting so long for this date. i wrote this beautiful song..." "i'll admit, i pretty much suck at dating, but what i do know a lot about is music..." (he DID give us "unskinny bop") he's got so many long, dangly necks...his hair looks like knotted up cheap doll hair that's been partially brushed out and then loosely stuffed under a smelly scarf. HOT!
when he relays his speech to his mom as a child leaving mechanicsville, pennsylvania, he starts talking like he's some inbred yokel from the deepest part of the deep south... which is weird...because he has a pennsylvanian accent now. interesting...some kind of music begins to play while they laugh and talk--it's a duet with bret and someone who sounds a lot like jennifer warnes from the whole "i've had the time of my life" thing. and it's horrible.
heather has given bret a letter about what's going on with all the other girls. it really pisses bret off. oh, but the letter pissed him off because now he hates erin. he's pissed at ERIN! clever editing, vh1! he looks like a bloated mongoloid snake cartoon...with really bad knotty doll hair. HOT!
oh yeah...he totally frenched on jess. and she said he was a good kisser. i would love to throw up about that. erin's laying down in a bikini, and her boobs are standing at attention on her chest. now the girls are talking like bret "what is-a going ahown?" they have yet to perfect it, but it's equally annoying. he's pissed at erin because he claims he's "the bed knotcher, not her!"
mandalena...the man...shoots everything down at the shooting range. she makes a lot of manly noises. "she took out every target!" beams bret. did she mention she was in the navy because she wanted to...something? that was in her bio. maybe they train you in that kind of thing in the military. i don't know.
the other girls find out about the heather letter from bret. brandi tells him not to trust her because of her "lifestyle" and her "partying." "is she really money hungry?" asks bret. brandi says she was trying to bang vanilla ice on the surreal life. bret is pissed. he "will not be played." now he can't trust heather. and they're cutting to him discussing his distrust of old clowny with lacey, old catty. fast forward time! i have to wonder why bret would even consider thinking that any of these bitches are money hungry.
erin hears lacey and heather talking shit about her because, as lacey explains, she and heather have "formed an alliance." erin really looks like someone who would serve me food. at wal-mart. but the clown boobs got her a crown at hooters. it really goes to show you...
heather tells the girls that the whole letter was about her and how she was apologizing for always running around the house naked. brandi says, "heather is not writing a book about herself. please! what is it called? the stripper diaries?" she keeps talking about heather's partying and slutty ways, which i love since brandi's online porno and threats of hangover pukefests are somehow being overlooked here.
"we were talking about what are types is" explains lacey in what has become her trademark scholarly banter. she is rubbing on bret's arms sans eyebrows but heavily laden with nostril flarage and some seriously annoying personality.
erin calls out heather because she's "fucking pissed off." "heather is so desperate to come up with things to say about me that she is resorting to saying i want to date justin timberlake. that is so stupid." notes erin. she really has a point. and she made it well. heather is saying that "it's never about bret." "have some dignity and just give up and go home because you're not here for him," she blurts to clown boobs. have some dignity and just give up is my new favorite quote.
erin is going to talk to bret. bret is pissed. he says that he woke up and felt great, but now he's pissed. he says his way of dealing with shit is addressing it with that person right off the bat...just like when he was talking about erin to every one of the other girls together and individually but never to erin. oh wait...that goes against everything he just explained! now he wants to eliminate heather and erin, and brandi thinks she's a genius while lacey is cat ladying all over bret.
elimination time is upon us, and the suspense if killing me! erin scathingly remarks that heather is going to be 60 years old, living in a trailer with 5 kids and a 300 lb. husband because that's all she can have since she is, after all, "a stripper at 32." just to refresh your memory:
Erin is a native of Bloomington, Illinois who completed college in just 3 ½ years with honors. Her father is a small town police chief and she was named Miss Hooters of Illinois in 2002.
so erin zipped through college with honors to become miss hoosters of illinois in 2002, five years ago...and she still works there now. that is impressive.
jess says that she really wants heather to go, but if she wanted someone to go because they weren't there for the right reasons, it'd be erin. i like jess less and less. and it rhymes. and now lacey is calling herself "the puppetmaster here." samantha hasn't had too big a part in this episode, but they just showed her and she looks like a snaggletoothed underdeveloped bird. hot!
bret really likes "the wild child", brandi who erin says is "just a drunk." bret says that lacey has "crazy eyes," and for once...dude makes sense. she has the crazy eyes of a crazy, old cat lady. it's down to heather and erin. erin says, "i'll say it outright, i am better than heather" and calls her a stripper whore. she serves wings and family food in skimpy clothes. she doesn't take off her clothes. and erin is out! but only because she's so much better. erin's skin is really yuck. she's teary-eyed.
heather: "victory is sweet. bye bye, starfucker!" to which erin says, "i've got a lot of men waiting for me in chicago. i've had a lot bigger stars than bret michaels." classy!
if only i could type faster.
i worked out a new equation while watching: lacey - makeup = puffy + old + cat lady
hungover brandi reads their mission aloud like a retarded child.
hungover brandi doesn't trust " the foreigner" (magdalena the man from poland)
heather is not tan enough.
mud bowl, a muddy football tourney awaits! bret is waiting with very tiny and wispy braids. like 5...2 mm in width. wisps. grody. it looks like they're sewn into his stupid baseball hat.
brandi's strategy: puke on a girl and she wins...smile. ewww!
bret introduces rodney scot who he explains is "here to whomp your ass." ass whomping is so last month.
oh! bret's braids are actually twisted into a larger fake ponytail!
why does he always go "what is-a goin' ahwn?" shut the fuck up, bret michaels.
lacey says, "you know what. i want that date. if i have to break some bones or knock out some teeth i'm going to do it." right after this, jess says she is going to "lay her ass out," and she does. lacey is crying owwwwww owwww owww" while writhing. she's like, "my ankle!" but she sounds like some cat lady.
heather is going to narc on everyone. must fast forward.
i like jess much better now. "lacey got seriously injured..." reports bret. bitch is such a shitty actress!
bret's turned on by jess' "savage beast" coming out. "she can run, she can catch, she can sprint" "jess' touchdown was one of the sexiest moments in football history" bret is clearly gay. for football players.
"heather hits like a bull. i mean knock down dirty football. it's kind of a turn-on." (see above)
he's really uninhibited. he doesn't care who knows how flaming gay he is.
one girl ripped off heather the bull's pants when she was running the ball. "heather can't keep her clothes on in anything we do..." for as old and haggard a face as she has, her body is still infinitely better than mine. she looks a little bit like joey buttafuoco in the face. hot!
mvp = jess. she gets a special date. hope it's as great as that really special, romantic date he had with the two ladies last week where they laid by the pool and watched a really long movie documenting bret's life and career while he did the play by play. that sounds like SO much fun! and really romantic!
oh...i just started really not liking jess, who just addressed herself as jess, which i hate with a passion.
at least her hair isn't spiky for once, but someone needs some root touch-ups.
hooters bitch erin is calling her boss and hearing that justin timberlake is supposed to be there (at her home hooters) tomorrow night. she was supposed to be serving him. "WHAT?" lacey is plotting against her with heather, the old, naked woman. lacey, the old cat lady, is like, "she'd rather be with justin timberlake! erin is our new target!" and heather is calling her a "star fucker," which technically, heather is not...but technically, heather would be if bret stuck his dick in her...which technically still isn't even star fucking anymore because bret is washed-a the fucked OUT!
jess is saying she's still on the fence about him and she doesn't know whether to let down the wall. enter bret: "hi, jess. how are you doing tonight? i've been waiting so long for this date. i wrote this beautiful song..." "i'll admit, i pretty much suck at dating, but what i do know a lot about is music..." (he DID give us "unskinny bop") he's got so many long, dangly necks...his hair looks like knotted up cheap doll hair that's been partially brushed out and then loosely stuffed under a smelly scarf. HOT!
when he relays his speech to his mom as a child leaving mechanicsville, pennsylvania, he starts talking like he's some inbred yokel from the deepest part of the deep south... which is weird...because he has a pennsylvanian accent now. interesting...some kind of music begins to play while they laugh and talk--it's a duet with bret and someone who sounds a lot like jennifer warnes from the whole "i've had the time of my life" thing. and it's horrible.
heather has given bret a letter about what's going on with all the other girls. it really pisses bret off. oh, but the letter pissed him off because now he hates erin. he's pissed at ERIN! clever editing, vh1! he looks like a bloated mongoloid snake cartoon...with really bad knotty doll hair. HOT!
oh yeah...he totally frenched on jess. and she said he was a good kisser. i would love to throw up about that. erin's laying down in a bikini, and her boobs are standing at attention on her chest. now the girls are talking like bret "what is-a going ahown?" they have yet to perfect it, but it's equally annoying. he's pissed at erin because he claims he's "the bed knotcher, not her!"
mandalena...the man...shoots everything down at the shooting range. she makes a lot of manly noises. "she took out every target!" beams bret. did she mention she was in the navy because she wanted to...something? that was in her bio. maybe they train you in that kind of thing in the military. i don't know.
the other girls find out about the heather letter from bret. brandi tells him not to trust her because of her "lifestyle" and her "partying." "is she really money hungry?" asks bret. brandi says she was trying to bang vanilla ice on the surreal life. bret is pissed. he "will not be played." now he can't trust heather. and they're cutting to him discussing his distrust of old clowny with lacey, old catty. fast forward time! i have to wonder why bret would even consider thinking that any of these bitches are money hungry.
erin hears lacey and heather talking shit about her because, as lacey explains, she and heather have "formed an alliance." erin really looks like someone who would serve me food. at wal-mart. but the clown boobs got her a crown at hooters. it really goes to show you...
heather tells the girls that the whole letter was about her and how she was apologizing for always running around the house naked. brandi says, "heather is not writing a book about herself. please! what is it called? the stripper diaries?" she keeps talking about heather's partying and slutty ways, which i love since brandi's online porno and threats of hangover pukefests are somehow being overlooked here.
"we were talking about what are types is" explains lacey in what has become her trademark scholarly banter. she is rubbing on bret's arms sans eyebrows but heavily laden with nostril flarage and some seriously annoying personality.
erin calls out heather because she's "fucking pissed off." "heather is so desperate to come up with things to say about me that she is resorting to saying i want to date justin timberlake. that is so stupid." notes erin. she really has a point. and she made it well. heather is saying that "it's never about bret." "have some dignity and just give up and go home because you're not here for him," she blurts to clown boobs. have some dignity and just give up is my new favorite quote.
erin is going to talk to bret. bret is pissed. he says that he woke up and felt great, but now he's pissed. he says his way of dealing with shit is addressing it with that person right off the bat...just like when he was talking about erin to every one of the other girls together and individually but never to erin. oh wait...that goes against everything he just explained! now he wants to eliminate heather and erin, and brandi thinks she's a genius while lacey is cat ladying all over bret.
elimination time is upon us, and the suspense if killing me! erin scathingly remarks that heather is going to be 60 years old, living in a trailer with 5 kids and a 300 lb. husband because that's all she can have since she is, after all, "a stripper at 32." just to refresh your memory:
Erin is a native of Bloomington, Illinois who completed college in just 3 ½ years with honors. Her father is a small town police chief and she was named Miss Hooters of Illinois in 2002.
so erin zipped through college with honors to become miss hoosters of illinois in 2002, five years ago...and she still works there now. that is impressive.
jess says that she really wants heather to go, but if she wanted someone to go because they weren't there for the right reasons, it'd be erin. i like jess less and less. and it rhymes. and now lacey is calling herself "the puppetmaster here." samantha hasn't had too big a part in this episode, but they just showed her and she looks like a snaggletoothed underdeveloped bird. hot!
bret really likes "the wild child", brandi who erin says is "just a drunk." bret says that lacey has "crazy eyes," and for once...dude makes sense. she has the crazy eyes of a crazy, old cat lady. it's down to heather and erin. erin says, "i'll say it outright, i am better than heather" and calls her a stripper whore. she serves wings and family food in skimpy clothes. she doesn't take off her clothes. and erin is out! but only because she's so much better. erin's skin is really yuck. she's teary-eyed.
heather: "victory is sweet. bye bye, starfucker!" to which erin says, "i've got a lot of men waiting for me in chicago. i've had a lot bigger stars than bret michaels." classy!
if only i could type faster.
i first saw this on futurama years ago, and i've been looking for it ever since. i went ahead and taped it for my girl, kerstin, since it reminds me of her. she turned me onto donovan when i was in ninth grade. i love donovan. i love futurama. it's just perfect.
i was flipping through channels, and i checked this out. i was more entertained by tyra's recaps of what took place on her most shocking shows. here's what i wanted you to see...
what the hell is happening here? why is she talking like this?
...no...this is missing something...i need more blinking...
let's just add a little more blinking. just really go to town on the blinking, tyra...
and that's all i wanted to say.
*update: uh...the high speed blinking was not effectively captured upon my review. you should've seen it on tv.
what the hell is happening here? why is she talking like this?
...no...this is missing something...i need more blinking...
let's just add a little more blinking. just really go to town on the blinking, tyra...
and that's all i wanted to say.
*update: uh...the high speed blinking was not effectively captured upon my review. you should've seen it on tv.
